November 7, 2008 11:20 AM

And They're Off!

As the curtain mercifully falls on the Most Important Election of Your Lifetime, the nation breathes a collective sigh of relief. Or do they? Sure, there were enough Byzantine plot twists and darkly rich comic characters to exhaust Dostoyevsky's older smarter brother. And I imagine more than a few of you are woke up spent, limp, barely able to grasp your coffee cup and raise it to quivering lips; tertiary casualties of Election Fatigue. But, now that the votes have been tallied and the results buried deep in Almanac City, you're happier than John McCain in a flag factory. Then, this column... is not for you. This is for the millions of us political junkies who feel emptier than a Chrysler SUV showroom. Whose zest for life has faded like the colors of the posters in a video store window, facing West.

Obama's new administration does guarantee a steady stream of politics blaring from the front pages, but far short of the decibel level we've inured ourselves to. Chris Mathews may continue to bellow, but it will be a shell of his former shrill. Joe Biden undoubtedly will insert his foot in his mouth so often that he should invest in mint- flavored shoelaces to facilitate flossing, but who has the energy to throw his blunders up on YouTube? And if they do, so what? If a faux pas is uploaded and no eyeballs visit, is it really a gaffe?

It wasn't just the horserace, the sidereal sideshows were just as intriguing. Since the middle of 2006, electoral websites sprang up like mushroom spores in a cow field after a Wisconsin spring rain. Rachel Maddow became a video star. Cable ratings crested higher than the Stanford Band after a homecoming win in the 60s. The rise and fall of un- inevitable candidates, surges, purges and financial lurches, AND Keith Olberman, riveted us like so many 3 year olds holding a mason jar full of paisley painted fireflies.

What I'm saying is, I don't want to live in a world without Presidential campaigning. And don't give me that midterm stuff either. I need the real thing. I want XM satellite radio's POTUS Oh Eight to become POTUS One Two. And because I know nobody else will do it, I've put together a snapshot of the field for the next Presidential election. Yes, now. After all, November 6, 2012, is only 48 short months away. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to jump- start your engines. And in answer to your inevitable question: No. Not even for a second.